No news is good news

I realize that i haven’t written in a while and i don’t really have an excuse for it. Life has been pretty boring since my 2nd surgery. I walk daily. I eat lots of protein (for wound healing). I let the dogs in and out and in and out and in and out (lol). And i’ve caught up on most of the tv shows that i had saved for my time off.

This upcoming week i have a couple of doctors appointments. I see my oncologist and will get confirmation on a start date for chemo (i think it will be October 16th). And then i see my surgeon for follow-up and hopefully get cleared to workout, lift something heavier than 6 lbs, and hopefully start back to work…at least part time work since i’ll be doing chemo.

I’m so thankful i’ve had an uneventful recovery and while the unknown of 6 months of chemotherapy is daunting, i’m ready to get started and complete the last part of my treatment!

Pathology report and the best news ever.

I haven’t posted this on social media because i feel like i would be bragging. And i’m not bragging, i am sharing good news, but still it is hard to put it out there. It is hard to put it out there knowing some of my friends on social media are my “new cancer friends” (as carson likes to put it) and i worry that some of them might not ever achieve what i have or will achieve what i have but then will progress with another cancer occurrence. And then to add to why i don’t want to post it- i feel like i’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like i don’t deserve what i have and how quickly i have recovered. I am thankful that my journey has been free of any major complications (and i would like to keep it that way) but being a doctor, i know all the risks and problems that can plague cancer patients……so i’m just waiting for mine to happen.

But i have to acknowledge how great God is, and that i truly believe that He answered mine (and all of your) prayers. He heard us and was merciful to me, allowing me to achieve complete pathologic response!

Complete pathologic response is: The lack of all signs of cancer in tissue samples removed during surgery or biopsy after treatment with radiation or chemotherapy. To find out if there is a pathologic complete response, a pathologist checks the tissue samples under a microscope to see if there are still cancer cells left after the anticancer treatment. Knowing if the cancer is in pathologic complete response may help show how well treatment is working or if the cancer will come back. Also called pathologic complete remission.

So praise the Lord. The radiation and oral chemo killed all of the tumor and in the pathology report, there were no cancer cells left in the tumor!!! He is so good!

My surgery story

Approximately one week ago this pesky hurricane, Dorian, had a path that led it over the Bahamas and then up the East coast.  I distinctly remember saying when I was told I was going to have surgery in September, “oh great, during hurricane season?”  I need to learn to keep my mouth shut because wouldn’t you know, I spent all last weekend worrying that the hurricane would cancel my surgery and we would have to evacuate!  I mean, Dorian was a Cat 5 hurricane!

On labor day, Sept 2nd, I got the call that surgery was still on and I needed to start my prep.  The weather forecast had Hurricane Dorian right over the Bahamas that day as a Cat 5 and then would weaken to a Cat 2-3 as it made its way east.  So the Operating Rooms at MUSC were still open and my surgery was a go!  I did my prep, complaining the whole time because I was STARVING (I hate not eating solid foods) and said my prayers and went to bed.  Tuesday the 3rd, I had to get up at 4 am to drink a “pre-surgical” Ensure drink that promotes healing and electrolyte stability during surgery.  And after that, I was wide awake.  I showered with the special chlorhexidine soap and got dressed and Carson took me to Ashley River Tower where my surgery was going to be at 5:45.  We breezed through registration and then I went to pre-op where I changed into a gown, had my vital signs taken, and had an IV started.  Carson and my parents then came back and we met with the surgeon and the anesthesia team.  Then it was go time.  The CRNA gave me 2mg of versed in pre-op, and I kissed my family goodbye.  I got into the OR with lots of people bustling around me and I barely could move from the bed to the OR table.  Then the anesthesiologist put some oxygen on my face, I said a quick prayer to God, asking him to forgive me for my sins and to keep me safe, and then, I was out.

I woke up in post op holding and the nurse was asking me my pain score.  I said “8” and he said he had already given me some pain medicine but could give me more.  Apparently I had been there for a hour or two but I didn’t remember much at all.  My dad was sitting there with me (he’s a doctor at that hospital and was able to just walk back 😉) but I don’t remember what he said to me either.  Then, before I knew it, I was in my official room on 6E and Carson and my mom and dad were all there around me.  I drifted in and out of sleep while my nurse bustled around me.  He explained I had a foley in place til the next morning and that I would be on a clear liquid diet.  That evening I had an Italian ice and citrus jello for dinner and carson and I walked very slowly from my room down the hall.  I was up and walking POD #0.  That was my goal!  Also, my “work husband”, Dr John Bride came over from work to visit with me.  Was nice to see a familiar face and he kept me updated on what was happening with work and hurricane preparations.

I want to say that I slept like a baby that night but I didn’t.  Vital signs every 4 hours.  Different medicines on different schedules mean the nurse came in every 2 hours.  I had 2 blood draws that night (one at 10 pm and one at 4 am- why I don’t know).  And I had finger stick every 4 hours.

The next day, the 4th, my foley came out and I was transitioned to maintaince fluids by my IV and a regular diet.  With the removal of my foley, I had to prove to them that I could urinate on my own- and so I tried and tried.  I pushed so hard that I sprung a leak on my pouch.  Ick! That was a mess and the nurses had to change my ileostomy pouch for me (ugghhhh I hate having people do things for me!!)

That day was the calm before the storm and my parents and carson came to visit multiple times. My friend Kelly from OTF also came to visit and so did my co-worker, Neil Glover.  It was fun to chit chat and not think about being a patient for a while. That day, it was hard to get my pain under control so they increased my pain medicine (thank you!) and I did a few laps around the 6th floor.  I also ate regular food- I had an omelet for breakfast and a burger for dinner.  The major pain of the day was having to get up and down to use the bathroom and having to get the IV pole unplugged and walk it to the bathroom without you and it getting tangled up!

Thursday Sept 5th– no visitors that day because Hurricane Dorian was upon it.  The wind started up Wednesday night and you could hear it howling.  There was a concern because of the king tides we had been having that all of downtown was flooded.  I didn’t have the best view from my room so I walked a lot to check out all sides of the hospital.  I noticed some rooms were leaking- the windows and ceiling tiles- and patients had to be moved.  I was lucky to have a clean and dry room.  I also had the best view of the VA hospital from my walking route so I would check on it and take pictures to send to my co-workers.  I ended up walking 2.5 miles that day around the floor.

My surgeon came in for rounds on Thursday and said that I was doing well and could go home the next day, Friday!  He also said my fluids could be discontinued (yes!).  Despite the bad weather and no visitors, it was a productive day.

Today- Friday Sept 6th.  I got to go home.  My surgeon came by around 8 am and by then I had already done 5 laps around the 6th floor.  He said I could go home and he would bring me back on Thursday for a sigmoidoscopy and a CT scan with rectal contrast.  If the CT scan demonstrates good healing and no leakage, he will reverse my ileostomy the next day, Friday the 13th (I know, I know).  But that means a quick quick reversal (10 days) which is to help patients not experience LAR syndrome and recover bowel function more quickly.  With his blessing, I ate some breakfast, packed up my room, and did another 10 laps around the floor.  Then at noon, Carson came and picked me up and I went home to rest and recover.

So that is my surgery story.  I will have to say that this dang hurricane made me focus on it instead of the upcoming surgery, so I think that was a blessing in disguise.  I also had so many people texting and messaging me over social media, checking on me and carson, and we both really appreciate it.  Our house is fine…we did lose power for about 2 hours but it came back on quickly.  And we do have a lot of branches/debris in our yard (and one pesky tree that landed on my car!) but cleanup should be easy and we are thankful the storm didn’t hit us as hard as it could have!

An Update

I have been really bad about updating because really nothing has been going on. Actually, let me clarify that, nothing cancer related has been going on.

I am 4 days away from my surgery date. I had to wait 8 weeks and 4 days to have surgery after my radiation, so here we are….the 8 weeks have flown by and we are in the final countdown. I’m ready. I’m scared. I know i have to have this surgery but it. is. surgery. I’m not a wuss and can handle the pain- i just don’t like the unknowns (hello type A over here). This is the time where i have to give up control and let the surgeon do his part and let my body do its part ( i have been incredibly kind to it over the past 8 weeks) and let God do the rest.

I really want to share some fun pictures from the mini-honeymoon that Carson and i took last week. It ended up that i had a couple days off, and i was able to get a co-worker to switch a couple shifts, and bam. I had 6 days off. And what better way to spend those 6 days but in Mexico? We bought tickets TWO days before we left and headed last Wednesday to Cancun, with my surgeon’s permission of course. He just said not to eat the ice (drink the water). Ok, so no blendy drinks. No big deal.

We booked 6 days/5 nights at Unico 20 87, which i have to say has been my favorite resort we have visited so far. It is closer to Tulum than Cancun, so a bit more of a drive, but the resort is 2 years old and absolutely gorgeous. https://www.unicohotelrivieramaya.com The name comes from the coordinates of where the resort is located, 20 degrees north and 87 degrees west and is an all inclusive, (unlimited food, drinks, free wifi and a host of other amenities). The resort is modern, and beautiful and swanky. The food is unreal- from chips and guac to hotdogs by the pool, to steak, to seafood- and the 4 restaurants (+ room service, + two bars by the pool that served food) did not let us down. They also have an app that you download to your phone- it is easy to use – you can request a turndown service, make dinner or spa reservations and read up on all of the restaurants. It also tells you all the cooking classes that are scheduled, the activities of the day, and what the nightly entertainment is.

I will also reiterate that Carson and i felt TOTALLY safe traveling to Mexico and while at the resort. The drinks were strong (not tainted) and we never had a bad encounter. We loved Unico so much that we will be going back…and we usually try a different resort each time we go to Mexico, but this place is so amazing that we want to go back. We had the most perfect mini-honeymoon. 🙂

When my hot flashes were actually fevers…..

So i got married on July 26th and didn’t go on a honeymoon (mistake number 1) and went back to work on the 29th. As a physician in the ER, i see patients with a myriad of complaints, most commonly back pain, cough, shortness of breath, and chest pain. Well, somewhere over the first day or two of my work week, someone coughed on me (at least that is what i’m thinking).

By Thursday (Aug 1), i had body aches and muscle soreness and thought that i was just struggling getting back into an Orange Theory routine and was sore from working out (mistake number 2). I continued to work out and went to bed early the next couple of nights. Then Saturday (Aug 3), i developed right sided chest pain, worse when i took a breath in. And i was still having body aches and pains. And at night i would cough (not a big deal) and would be hot and then cold, which i thought were just the joys of my new menopause (mistake number 3). I continued to have the chest pain on Sunday while at work and decided that i had a Pulmonary Embolism (blood clot).

I already had a CT scan set up on Monday, the 5th, from my oncologist to look to see if there was any metastatic disease that had occurred while i was getting treatment. After the scan was done, i asked them if i could take a look at it.

My pneumonia

So there it is in all its glory (this is just one picture, and it is a bit larger than it looks in this picture). Oh, and for those of you who are not radiologists or pulmonologists or trained to read CT scans, you are looking at a slice of the thorax. The black is air, the heart is in the middle, and on the left side of the screen, there is my pneumonia in my right lung. The CT scan is read opposite of real life, so when you look at the picture and it looks like the pneumonia is on the left side, that is actually the right side. Picture a person laying in front of you, with their head up top and their feet closest to you) and you start slicing them like bread. When you look at them, what you are seeing on the left side, is actually THE PATIENT’S RIGHT SIDE. Make sense?

So i have a pneumonia. Not a blood clot. Not cancer in my lungs. Just an infection, which by the way, is easy to treat. 5 days of antibiotics. In hindsight, my body aches and fevers (not hot flashes) should have triggered me to think i might have had an infection. And my chest pain was actually pleursy, also from the infection. But now i know and have a plan for treatment and will most likely get an xray prior to surgery to make sure it is gone.

Isn’t cancer a wild ride?

One Week Anniversary

I have not done a good job keeping up with updates. I am sorry. I was busy with work. And then went on vacation. And then got married. And now i have been married for a whole week. People ask “how is married life?” And i tell them, that it is exactly like non-married life, except we are now married and not living in sin. 🙂

Carson and i were married on July 26th, which was our 5 year anniversary of meeting on Tinder. Yes, we met on Tinder. We both swiped right and talked that night (he was walking home from the bar after being dumped by not one, but two girls….he was dating both, and i was working overnight at the VA and it was slow), only to set up a date on July 31st at Edmund’s Oast. That night we ordered WAY too much food, had some good drinks, and made out in the parking lot. Classy, i know.

Fast forward almost 5 years later to February 2019, when we got engaged while on vacation in Mexico. Our plan then was to get married the following February at my parents house, having a large brunch reception for friends and family afterwards. We all know that my diagnosis changed those plans a little, as February 2020 would put me right in the middle of chemotherapy and i did NOT want to be a bald bride. We toyed with the idea of getting married at the courthouse but it seemed too impersonal for me. So we decided to get married on the 26th of this month, on our 5 year anniversary, surrounded by immediate family and loved ones. We were already going to be on vacation with his family, and my family (parents, sister, and brother and his wife and their two kids) came up for the celebration. And our good friends Duane and Lisa Price married us- DP got ordained on the internet and Lisa already had her South Carolina notary (DP likes to say he is “Holy AF” haha).

My life has felt like a roller coaster over the past three months, with dips and hills and flips, all while dealing with the emotional side effects of being diagnosed with cancer (and thinking i might die) and then starting treatment with radiation and xeloda. I am now currently awaiting surgery and my body is healing from the previous 6 weeks of treatment. However, on my wedding day, my rollercoaster ride stopped at the top of the hill and allowed me to view everything around me and enjoy. I was happy and carefree and married the love of my life- and not once during that day did i think about cancer. It was a perfect day.

I wanted to share these wedding pictures with y’all. I hope you enjoy them and can see/feel the love we shared that day.

My 1/2 birthday

Today i am 40 and a 1/2 years old. I usually celebrate my half birthday, as it was a tradition in our family when we were kids. But i actually didn’t realize it was my half birthday until i looked at my Facebook memories and saw that 11 years ago i announced that i was 29 1/2 years old, and 10 years ago i announced that i was 30 1/2 years old. Ahhh, to be young again. 🙂

And now today i’m 40 and a 1/2 years old. And i have cancer. That is all that i can think about now.

I know i will make it to 41 and then 41 and a 1/2 and so on and so forth, but my perspective is different. Unfortunately cancer makes you worry that you wont see those years. I do have my fears but most of them are irrational and i have to be talked down from a ledge that i shouldn’t be on in the first place. Carson has been a source of strength and tolerance/patience that i don’t always feel like i deserve….i go down this rabbit hole of “doom and gloom” and have to be pulled out.

Anyway, today i’m 40 and a 1/2 years old. I am fortunate to be here. I am looking forward to many many years of celebrating 1/2 birthdays in the future.

28/28

Today was my last day of radiation.

28 days of burning my tumor and lymph nodes (in the most simple of terms) and also taking oral chemotherapy twice a day.

The last treatment turned out to be pretty uneventful but also didn’t go as planned at the same time. I am dehydrated (GI issues) and my bladder wasn’t full, so treatment was delayed while i chugged water. And once i did that, i climbed on that table for my last time (106 seconds), and then it was over and i was done. I got a certificate of completion (which i will hang on my fridge), hugged my radiation therapist girls (who have been a wonderful source of encouragement and laughter), and walked out. In my own stubborn style, i refused to ring the bell. 😜

I am thankful for my family and friends, who have been an ever constant support over the past six weeks. I am thankful for the hospital staff, the radiation therapists and my physician who came up with my treatment plan. This was the first big hurdle i had to overcome with this cancer diagnosis. But it is not the last.

I now have 8 weeks of “rest” while my body recovers from radiation and then the next step is surgery on September 3rd. From now until then, i will be working on getting my body back to normal and being as healthy as possible.

Thank you for accompanying me on this journey and for your continued thoughts and prayers. 💙

Two. More. Treatments.

I know it has been a bit since i last posted.

Nothing really has been happening. I’ve been working. Working out. And sleeping. A lot. Radiation makes me really tired and i have found that a new bedtime of 9:30 pm is glorious….and also makes me feel like an 80 year old lady.

Today’s radiation treatment (and the next two days) are considered “booster” days. This means that while previously the radiation was focused at all of my tumor and the area around it, including my lymph nodes that look cancerous, the booster treatment is just aimed at the tumor itself. So a smaller area. Basically clean up of the area. The length of treatment is the same (106 seconds) but the field of treatment is smaller. It means we have come to an end.

I cannot believe that i have gone through 26 treatments. It has flown by but also has gone by slowly. I can’t really explain it except to say that life moves quickly (how is it even July?!?!) but sometimes when things are stressful like this, it feels like it is dragging by. This morning i woke up and wished that my diagnosis on May 8th was just a dream (well, nightmare). But that isn’t the case. Instead of being a normal 40 year old with a kid and dogs and a fiancee and a career, i’m a cancer-ass-kicking 40 year old with a kid and dogs and a fiancee and a career. 😉

Also, let me take a second to remind people to get their bums checked! 45 is the age to now get a screening colonoscopy (unless there is a colorectal cancer family history). Don’t wait like i did!!